I spent about an hour tonight reading about pregnancy with Mer and Gwenny.  Everything is so different from then. I'm a different person, we're in a very different station in life, but most importantly, I don't feel the same way about being pregnant.

I'm forgetting to count my blessings - which I should especially do with this pregnancy - and take a moment to enjoy the little things.  I'm hoping this will change when I'm feeling well. 

I feel so ungrateful at times when I'm reaching for reminders of how great this all ends up.  I know how it turns out - the sweet swaddled aromatic bundle of love that is thrust from your womb to your arms.  But that is not synonamous with what is currently happening - at least, not based on my experience.

I'm trying to slow down (as if I could actually get any slower...), remember the great blessing this pregnancy is, how I cried and prayed for it, and that ... I got it.  I think the best part as I remind myself of all this is that I am pregnant - nasty feeling and tried constantly or not.  I got what I wanted and I really am SO grateful for that.

Even if what I was really hoping for was a repeat of the last 2 pregnancies, not actually knowing I was pregnant for most of the first trimester (that was Mer) and not showing until 17 weeks (that was Gwenna)... I'll take this version because it's just what a want.

I just need to be a little more specific next time I ask for something. :)


Heather said...

I love that last line! Haha, I think we've all learned that lesson a time or two. :) I hope you start feeling better soon.

Geevz said...

I'm not a happy pregnant person so I happily give every woman the full right to hate it, despite how much they may have longed for a baby. With life in general, I'm happier after I stop feeling guilty for being miserable. So just be miserable. It will make you happy ;)