Overwhelming. In a good way.

Lately, as I'm anticipating the arrival of Olivia, I've been looking back at blog posts and journal writing and emails from Gwenna's early days. Specifically, I was recently thinking about an email I wrote to a friend after Gwenna was born about the entire labor and delivery. I wanted to remember the details and the specifics about labor as I anticipate this next experience.

And this email totally did that for me. But it also did something else for me that I wasn't expecting.

Here is the part that really got me:

"...I was so entranced my this beautiful little girl laying on my belly and I was just crying and my husband was crying. We were both so amazed. It's the most amazing thing ever. You spend 9 or more months with that person growing inside you and you know she's there... but she's still kind of abstract because you haven't really seen her and then all of a sudden, after all this work - this amazing labor of love - she's just there and you get to look at her and hold her and see her in all her beauty, no matter how slimy or discolored she is - she's your's... and she's perfect. It's amazing."

After reading this again and remembering those feelings, I missed Gwenna being small SO MUCH. It was OK though because the secondary effect of this passage was that it made me anticipate this experience with Olivia. It's been harder for me to "connect" with Olivia over these months. With Gwenna it was simple because I had more time to concentrate on what she was doing and everything was so new and so fun. Now I spend most every day still concentrating on Gwenna so Olivia takes a secondary spot as far as bonding goes because she's not in front of me... um, in front of my eyes... because she's VERY much in front of me.

At any rate, I'm grateful that I wrote this email. I wrote it for a friend who was due about a month after I was and it contained all the gory details and facts of labor and delivery. It also contained special details - thoughts and feelings - about this awesome experience that I would have forgotten otherwise. It makes me glad to think about that amazing day in Gwenna life and in mine and it makes me excited for this day with Olivia.


Heather said...

Beautifully written. Seriously - those little girls are so blessed to have you as a mother.

Amy Sprinkle said...

I noticed your tickers at the bottom of your blog (it took me how long?) I decided a few weeks ago I needed one too, to remind me of how short it will be until Bromus comes!