Identity Crisis Resolved

SCENE: Kelly and Gwenna sit on the couch. Three week old Gwenna is being fussy. Kelly bounces Gwenna and rocks her, trying to soothe the crying baby.

Kelly: It's okay Gwenna girl, it's ok. You just cry as long as you want.

Gwenna: Waaaaaaah! Wa-wa-waaaaaaaaaah... whimper.

Kelly: It's okay Gwenna, Mama's here.

Kelly pauses. She thinks, "Mama isn't here. She's in Mesa... Wait, that's MY mom. I'm HER mom. Woah. And it only took three weeks for this to sink in?"


That's right, it took three weeks for it to fully sink in that I'm the mama of that darling little girl above. These past three weeks have taught me a lot about patience and unconditional love. At times I've missed adult interaction but it seems to come when I need it most.

Ted and I tried to be spontaneous on Monday. Ha! We drove to Williams - just to get out of Flagstaff - which was good because we needed to get away, even just for a few hours, even just for a drive. It took us about 45 minutes longer to get out the door than I anticipated. ... Which I kind of *did* anticipate, but still. Two mint chocolate Dilly bars ( and just-shy-of-1-hour of breastfeeding in the back of the car later, we went home. We didn't do much other than eat Dilly bars (all of us in one form or another) and drive. Spontaneity is certainly a thing of the past. It's not that I didn't expect this; it's just finny to learn it this way, as I'm sure everyone does.

I'm learning how to prioritize, again. Prioritizing, I feel, has always been one of my strong points. But now it's a whole new ballgame. I used to be able to get the laundry done (several loads), floors cleaned, shopping and meal planning done, and kitchen cleaned, and have lunch with my husband with time to spare in the day. Now my priorities have shifted. I certainly will clean the floors when I have time and the dishes get done after sitting in the sink for a while but holding my baby girl, singing songs and cuddling... these all take priority to soap scum and meal planning. It's a hard adjustment; I used to run a tight ship! But it's wonderful and I wouldn't change it. Because I'm the mama now ... apparently.


Chris said...

Oh man, Jane and I know exactly what you mean about getting out of Flagstaff - we would say: "let's go for a drive! I don't care where we go, let's just get out of here for a while" and then we'd just drive somewhere. Haha

Erin said...

You said it so nicely!! I can certainly relate to it all. It is one big adjustment - and yet easier than every other huge adjustment I've ever made because it's so much more worth it! I love even sitting outside on the porch for a little while during the day. It makes me feel like I'm "getting out of the house" even if it's just a few steps. Yes, life is so different now.

Amy Sprinkle said...

I'm excited for the day when I actually get to meet Gwenna! She's still just pictures to me! Too bad we don't have Star Trek technology so I could be there in a flash. Beam me up Scotty!

katie said...

you know, if you're ever feeling that you're lacking human interaction, i'm always (in a matter of that school's starting) available. i'm always up for lunch or pedicures or sitting around doing nothing :)

Dusty + Mary Anne said...

yes you sure are the mama. I've often thought that that would be a frightening realization to come to. Frightening and wonderful all at the same time. I remember having feelings like that for months after Dusty and I got married...."wait, we're MARRIED. Like forever." I mean I can honestly say that I've wanted Dusty to be my husband since elementary school, but then when it was real it was CRAZY!