Some Advice. For Your Next DQ Trip.

Do you go to Dairy Queen often? Even if if you don't, I think you should read this post.

Ted and I used to frequent DQ often. We like Dilly Bars. I've always liked Dilly Bars, ever since I was 10 and my mom would send me and my sister on our bikes up the 3 blocks or so to retrieve a whole bag, during warm summer twilights.

Last night Ted and I went to the most off brand movie store we know to purchase 10 movies for $10. After our purchase was complete and I wanted nothing more than to go home and crash on my couch (parade in the sun? painting the nursery all afternoon? makes a lady tired!) Ted suggested Dairy Queen. I agreed.

But we deviated. No Dilly Bars. I thought that was a little too much ice cream even for the our nation's birthday celebration. I decided on a small dipped cone, a DQ classic. Ted decided on the same. Having made this decision and then several others, I have some advice for you pertaining to your next trip to Dairy Queen.

1. If you decide on a classic dipped cone, and like Heath bar, ask for a small chocolate dipped cone with Heath bar. You have to pretend like you get it all the time because it doesn't actually exist on the menu or in any other realm.

2. When you get strange looks from the ladies at the window just say, "You know, dip the cone and then sprinkle it with Heath bar."

3. When they're still perplexed, admit your motive. "I thought if I acted like I get it all the time you'd make it for me." They will. And they won't charge you for the Heath bar. Probably because they're excited for a jolt to their regular ice cream routine.

4. When you have paid and are ready to leave, accept the napkins offered. Then, do something smart, ask for more.

5. While you're driving and eating (not smart, ESPECIALLY in this case) notice that the cone was dipped twice to make the candy stay. Interesting concept.

6. While you're marveling at the twice dipped cone, notice also that crushed up Heath bar is pointy - delicious, but pointy - and it creates holes in the once warm chocolate that has melted the ice cream slightly that is now dripping down your cone. And your hand. And your arm.

7. Wrap your cone in napkins. Two should do it. Realize that your husband, who is likely driving, is having the same issues you are and assist him in wrapping his leaky cone.

8. Maintain your leaks until you realize it's futile. The ice cream is just going to drip. It's inevitable. Let it follow it's natural course and nurse the top as much as you can.

9. At some point you're going to realize that you've eaten twice as much chocolate as ice cream. You could nonchalantly roll down your window, pull two giant chunks of chocolate off the ice cream and toss them out the window without your husband noticing. Remorse will inevitably follow, I assure you. But at least, for the first time since you were donned the blessed cone, you'll be eating ice cream rather than solid layers of waxy chocolate with pointy candy shards. It's a nice change of pace. (I really did like my cone. Promise.)

10. At some point you may look down to realize that in your haste to devour you now look something like this:

Chunks of Heath and chocolate, ice cream drips on your belly, chest, and even seatbelt. (The dog will probably appreciate that later... you know, if you have a dog.) It's okay to make a mess. Just make sure you share this with your husband because, really, isn't he normally the one to make a terrible mess? Balance. Marriage is all about balance.

... Well, balance and humor. Humor and painting. Wait, maybe that's just my marriage.

At any rate, you have now enjoyed your fist twice dipped Hath bar cone from the Queen. Did you push ice cream down with your tongue while you gorged yourself on the bottom half of the cone so that every last bite would be filled with ice creamy goodness? I sure hope so. That's the only way to go.


Heather said...

Nice! Of course I push my ice cream down to the bottom of the cone, that really is the best part. I will have to remember your heath bar cone and the pointers, been a while since I have frequented DQ. Sounds good though.

Amy said...

I'll remember all this the next time I go to DQ...which might be awhile since there is no DQ in town. But, we do have Braum's. Very good ice cream, not so good fast food.

Dusty + Mary Anne said...

first of all...i could have sworn that was one of my very own t-shirts with belly stains on it...

second of all...this made me want an ice cream cone, but our DQ really has less than desirable serivce. We've only been there once, but that was apparently enough.

thanks for making us all smile while we read this...

Geneva said...

Ha! I love it. I will definitely try it. There was this place in Boise that was ice cream mecca. Oh tastyfreeze how I miss thee! They had around 30 combinations of dipped cones. Heavenly!

Suzanne and Davey Maughan said...

oh my goodness. i just looked on your baby ticker and your 37 weeks...technically, thats full term. GO YOU!!! I cant wait to see pictures of baby Gwenna! :) Hopefully 3weeks (and no more) and Ill see her. haha. Good luck. Hope everything goes well!!!