Thursday

In the Clank

Sure, he looks innocent enough, even kind of cute with a balloon hat on... even though to him it was more of a balloon ascot.

But behind those droopy eyes and excessive amounts of skin (which have prompted his vet to ask our permission for him to be a skin donor for the less fortunate) is the mind of a criminal genius.

So on this lovely day which would best be spent by Buddy gazing out the window, Buddy is caged.

He's behind bars.
He's in the clank.
Incarcerated.

What, exactly, is Buddy so guilty of? THIEVERY! He's an outright crook. What has he stolen?

36 + cookies
1 crockpot
1 half-cooked pork roast
3/4 of an entire triple decker cake
1/2 of a pair of wedding shoes
3 total pairs of shoes
2 thirty-piece sets of tupperware (almost in their entirety)
2 remote controls
1 pair of eyeglasses
2 sets of scriptures
1 childhood stuffed bear
3 plastic cups
1 umbrella
10 rolls of toilet paper (approximation)

I'm certain this isn't all, but I don't have his file sitting on my desk so I can't be sure at the moment. However, none of these items have been fully recovered as Buddy doesn't just run off with these things; he chomps, chews, breaks, and otherwise mutilates and destroys these items.

Witnesses are available for few of the crimes however authorities are lead to believe Buddy is the culprit for all above charges due to the fact that no one else in the house has an appetite for plastic, paper, or glass. Also, the forensic matching of Buddy's teeth to the marks on said items is indisputable.

So for today, Buddy is locked away. Possibly for subsequent days as well. While his penmanship is seriously lacking in accuracy and and legibility, Buddy can receive regular correspondence, c/o the Crowder family.