Dear Ted, Love Kelly

POLICE OFFICER: Do you know why I flagged you down?

BIRD: Actually, I have no idea. I didn't even know you could do that. I deliberated for three blocks whether or not you were trying to pull me over. I was afraid you'd send up flares.

PO: Yes, I was trying to pull you over or entice you to land or... whatever. Listen, do you have any idea how dangerous is it to eat refuse in the middle of a busy intersection during morning rush hour?

BIRD: I do, believe it or not. That's why I took off when the cars started to go again. It's tough being a bird. I can't help it if people throw perfectly good bagels in the middle of the road. Maybe you should be going after the litterers, not me.

PO: Don't get smart with me. I'm going to have to write you up. There's a pretty hefty fine associated with obstruction of traffic.

BIRD: Oh really? And what would you like me to pay that with? I've got quite a big of grass back at the nest. Or maybe feathers? You're insane.

PO: How you pay is not really any of my concern. Maybe you could get a loan from a friend or family member.

BIRD: FROM WHO? No one I know uses money! We're lucky to find worms ... or bagels in the street. I'd have to steal money to pay this ticket.

PO: Well maybe you should have thought about that BEFORE you blocked traffic. A little forethought would do you a world of good.



Heather said...

Dang birds! The other day I was driving down my street coming home for lunch and a dang pigeon was in the midle of the road doing who knows what. I thought he would move. He didn't. Poof! All those feathers! I was traumatized and so sad for the stupid suicidal bird. Maybe it just got to be too much for him, he couldn't take it anymore, no one was tossing their bagels out the window. Sigh. I'll never be the same.

k.c. said...

I know this is a crazy post but when I saw a bird in the intersection the other day and a cop pull up my first thought was, "Good, give that bird a ticket..." No, really, I thought that. ... And I told Ted and we had a good laugh about it. I'm sorry to hear about your bird massacre. I bet it was traumatizing.

Megan said...

Kelly, you are so funny! I love your imagination!